Love to you for the holidays
Aloha everyone,
I hope you are all doing so very well.
Just a quick little note:
The holidays are here, and this can be a time of gratitude, a time of sorrow, and a time of mixed in-between emotions, too.
I simply want to create and hold some space for you — however you feel about the holiday season, and no matter what they mean to you, how you choose to engage with them, and the meaning they hold for you.
This is a time of year where many can feel invisible, particularly individuals who may not enjoy the holiday season. For those who’ve lost loved ones during this time of year, experience seasonal depression, had rocky and tumultuous family gatherings during childhood, are unable to live as their true and authentic selves around family, don’t align with holiday values, etc., this time of year can be full of emotional toll and challenge, especially in recognizing that we can’t escape the time of the holidays.
For me personally, the holidays haven’t been the most exciting of times for me throughout my adult life, and so in the ideal world for me right now, they just wouldn’t exist. I remember some warm, lovely times as a child, and I hold a special place for those memories in my heart, but as I got older and life became more challenging, the holidays turned into a time of conflict, disruption, and grief. The dissolve of my immediate family unit occurred this time of year, and there were many years after this happened that I found myself comparing my family to the happiness of others (at least what I was seeing of them), and I’d feel alone. I also came out during the holidays, and I can recall the emotional roller coaster this sent my family and relatives through. And this year is my first holiday season following my marriage which is presenting nuanced feelings I haven’t quite figured out yet.
I share this because I want you to know that you’re not alone, no matter how you feel. If this is a time of year you love, amazing! Go celebrate it with the people who mean the most to you in ways that fill your heart and soul with joy. If this is a time of year that challenges you, recognize it and allow that to be okay within yourself — because it is okay. Give yourself grace, and allow yourself space to feel what you need to feel. Surround yourself with the people you love, and create new meaning for this time of year. Go back to the drawing board, start over, throw out the rule book for how the holidays are supposed to look — and create something that works for you and your loved ones.
Here’s a few quick and tangible tips for coping with the holidays if they are a difficult and traumatically triggering time for you:
Feel what you need to feel
Give yourself some time and space to wrestle with your emotions — and to grieve.
Set boundaries
Limit your social media intake
Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb
Communicate your limits — “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend, but I hope you have a wonderful time.”
Create new routines and traditions
If traditional Thanksgiving celebrations are unhelpful to you, perhaps turn this into “The Best Nap Ever Day” or create Friendsgivings (a personal fave)
If traditional Christmas celebrations are unhelpful to you, perhaps turn this into a time of volunteering, movie marathons at the theater, a small getaway, or “just another day”
If traditional New Years celebrations are unhelpful to you, perhaps use this time to deep clean, get a jump start on your taxes, or engage in deep, reflective mindfulness and meditation practices
Reach out for support
Connect with a single individual who can listen, respect, and understand how you feel
Reach out to a trusted professional (like myself) if you could benefit from further guidance and support
Again, no matter what the holiday season means to you and regardless of how you connect to the various celebrations that often align with this time of year, know that it’s okay, you’re allowed to feel the way you feel, and you matter.
To everyone, I hold space for you today, tomorrow, and into the future.
Everything will be alright.