Little tweaks & prosperous change

“To me, true prosperity begins with feeling good about yourself. It is also the freedom to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. It is never an amount of money; it is a state of mind. Prosperity or lack of it is an outer expression of the ideas in your head.”

— You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay (pg. 114)

Hey everyone,

I hope you are all doing so very well, and I’m so grateful that you are here with me today checking out this blog post and spending some time with me. Whether you are a coachee, a friend, a family member, a community supporter, etc., I’m honored to have you here, and I hope you enjoy your stay.

I’m gearing up for my mom to come visit me next week for Thanksgiving, and I’m getting so excited for our time together. For a majority of the past several years, we’ve been spending Thanksgiving together. COVID and some health challenges threw a wrench into things, but we’re deeply looking forward to our mother-son time which will likely be spent laughing, watching Seinfeld, relaxing at the beach, sleeping, shopping, and going for walks.

Before my mom comes though, I’m getting caught up with work after an absolutely wild past 5 weeks. In fact, these recent weeks have been so goofy that I’ve just had to laugh at the universe’s humor because, indeed, it actually is quite funny.

But even more, as I step into my reflective space today, I’m leaning further and further into my most deeply held personal belief: everything happens for a reason.

And as a I review on what’s been going on, I see the data attributes to this belief even further, that yes, truly, everything does happen for a reason, even if I/we may not understand it at this time.

Here’s what’s been going on:

— I moved (again)
— The day after I moved, I received a complaint against my business/practice that sent me into a tailspin
— Hiccups with the divorce process
— Selling my old house
— Responding to the business complaint
— Unexpected expenses
— Relational grief
— Adjusting my business name, service terminology, and marketing in response to the above complaint
— Being cleared from the complaint per the state
— Family needing to go to the hospital
— And finally, spraining my ankle, lol

When I type all this out, yeah, these past 5 weeks have been quite a bit, especially when these have still been occurring in-between a full calendar of sessions, business meetings, Honolulu Pride events, and maintaining my various relationships.

All in all, most of these challenges have been decent to handle. I’m grateful to hold the skills required to trudge through these experiences, especially with the support of my loved ones. The most difficult one though, by far, was the complaint against my business.

Let me share the CliffNotes version of what happened:

In early October, I received a phone call from our state’s department of consumer affairs stating that an anonymous complaint was made against me and my practice stating I was practicing clinical mental health counseling without a license. This sent me into a legit panic because this was one of my biggest fears. I was informed that I’d be receiving an official complaint that I’d have the opportunity to respond to. A week later, I finally received the complaint, and I was able to share my response back, indicating the work that I do, how it’s not clinical mental health counseling, and how this complaint was untrue. Once this was received by the state, I was informed that they’d review and let me know the outcome within several weeks. My anxiety continued because of this indefinite waiting period, and I wasn’t sure how to still move forward with my business while waiting for this complaint to be resolved. I preemptively made adjustments to my practice, including adjusting the name of my business and the name of my services to reduce consumer confusion, increase consumer clarity, and ensure something like this wouldn’t happen again. I met with my business lawyer, coach, therapist, and mentor to discuss this and find professional support. I had ample FaceTimes with family and conversations with friends with the personal support I needed. I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, but the fact that this was happening and there was potential to be in trouble was triggering in it’s own right. A couple weeks later, I received a response from the state saying that the investigation was completed and no evidence supporting the allegation was found, and thus, the case was dismissed.

I was thrilled to have this major bump in the road cleared up, but it still rocked me, and even now with some time being passed since it’s been all wrapped up, I’m still jolted by it. It just took a whole lot of energy out of me. During that time, I wasn’t showing up as my best in sessions because I was constantly second-guessing myself, wondering “Is this okay to do? What about this?”

But taking a step back to explore the everything happens for a reason side of things, I’m truly grateful this experience happened because it’s presented me with the opportunity to go back to the drawing board, refresh, and ensure that I am providing the best services that I want to be providing for my coachees and clients.

It’s helped me to go back to the basics, to remind myself of why I do what I do, to make adjustments from things that are no longer helpful to ones that are more beneficial to my coachees.

In my most recent session with my therapist, we started talking about marketing and business development. As she’s getting ready to begin to transition from an organizational clinic to her own private practice, business development and marketing strategy has been top of mind for her, and with my recent adjustments in response to my business’ complaint, it’s been top of mind for me as well, so we were able to dive into a fun, candid, mutually-beneficial conversation.

At one point, we started talking about price and the cost we set for our services. I shared with her that I’ve historically set the cost of my services to be super low held under the guise of “I never want finances to be a barrier for clients.” And while this is indeed reflective of my values of providing care and support to all peoples in an equitable way, she pointed out one thing: “You don’t know your own worth.”

Bam.

She nailed it.

She expanded: “By setting your costs low — much lower than the national average — you are communicating that you don’t know your own worth, and you are communicating that your services are less than. Essentially, you are communicating your biggest core struggle which is value. Here, you don’t see your own value, and as a result, others are unable to see your own value, too.”

It’s like she graciously tip-toed into my soul, found the root issue, and ripped the plug right out of the socket.

She’s spot on — historically, I have had difficulty assessing the value I provide to people. I have had trouble understanding the benefit I’m able to give people through my work. This has made communicating my work quite difficult to do, and this has made growing a business quite a large challenge.

I left the session feeling energized and excited as to the potential of what growth might be on the horizon. Paired with my business adjustments and this beautifully-empowering book I’m reading called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, I’m beginning to see that the process of me communicating my value to my community isn’t selfish, but rather, it’s presenting the opportunity for folx to receive the help and support they are looking for.

I routinely meet with my business coach, and for the past two years, one of the topics we frequently discuss is shame and how shame tries to sneak its way into my business practice.

One such way it attempts to do so is through pivots and changes.

When I was a kid, I would be made fun of for changing my mind. People would tease me for “always moving from one thing to the next” and “never sticking to something.” I developed a great deal of insecurity from this where the teasing didn’t feel good, and it didn’t make me feel good inside of myself. I would beat myself up for this, and I’d try to stick things out longer than what was probably healthy or helpful because of “not wanting to change my mind.” Even more, recent relationships I’ve been in have double-downed on this shame too where previous partners would make fun of me for trying new things, making adjustments, and “not being stable.”

So, in business, particularly as an entrepreneur and small business owner, I’ve wrestled with the shame here as it’s naturally arisen throughout business practice. Whenever I’ve changed the name of my business or my marketing approach or my target audience or my prices, I know shame is waiting on the other side of that announcement, ready to pounce on my psyche.

In my most recent business coaching meeting, Eric, my incredible mentor, helped ground this shame and put it back in its place:

“Tweaks are part of business practice. Tweaks are little changes, little adjustments that are active responses to a changing world, a changing economy, a changing consumer need, a changing environment. The ability of your business to adapt with agility and flexibility to the changes around you showcases a major strength of your practice, not a flaw. Make tweaks with intention, and when you make them with intention, reason, and explanation, shame has no place to survive.”

Bam.

He nailed it.

The adjustments that I make to my business are reflections of a dynamic world that we live in, one that is constantly changing and evolving. To grow with the evolutions and the flows of a shifting world is to meet the current moment, meeting the needs of my clients and community right here, right now. That is human-centered, kind, compassionate, value-driven care, and that’s the type of care, leadership, and support I want to be providing.

To return to the basics, at my core, I am a spiritual being. When I remove all of the noise from the world and return back to my root, I am simple — the reason I am here is to love. My purpose is to love others because we’re all connected and we’re all in this together. Sometimes the love I provide looks like a brotherly and childly love. Sometimes that looks like an intimate and relational love. Sometimes that looks like a professional love. But regardless of the shape and form it’s taking, the reason I’m here is to love.

In You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay discusses prosperity:

“Rejoice in the abundance of being able to awaken each morning and experience a new day. Be glad to be alive, to be healthy, to have friends, to be creative, to be a living example of the joy of living. Live to your highest awareness. Enjoy your transformational process.” (pg. 121)

Up until now, I’ve typically thought of manifestation to be a load of crap. I mean, after all, there’s not a whole lot of scientific backing to it (if at all), and if we can’t measure it, does it even exist?

The more I read this book, the more I open myself up to data that supports my belief of everything happens for a reason, and the more I go back to my own roots of spirituality and “why am I here in the first place,” the more I understand that manifestation, the law of attraction, and abundance aren’t supposed to be scientific practices; they are spiritual practices.

When we believe in our worth, we are able to recognize the value we provide to the world. We are able to recognize that the value we provide to the world is important, impactful, and meaningful. In order for us to continue providing this value, we need energy in return, and sometimes that energy comes in the form of money, love, gifts, appreciation, compliments, etc.

When we believe in our worth and the value we provide, we can begin to recognize the importance of manifestation and abundance, knowing that the more ___________ we have, the more love, help, kindness, support, etc. we are able to put out into the world. And, thus, the more better of a place the world becomes.

I believe everything happens for a reason. This is my guiding spiritual belief.

There’s a reason my business received a complaint which prompted by practice adjustments. There’s a reason my marriage was unhealthy and I needed to choose to exit it. There’s a reason I sprained my ankle. There’s a reason I’m finding serendipitous connections with my business. There’s a reason I’m reading this book. There’s a reason all of this is happening at the same time.

And while I continue to seek out what that reason is, in the current moment, I hypothesize one such reason is that this is helping me recognize my worth and my value. This is helping me recognize the support I provide to the world. This is helping me recognize my need to charge a fair price to earn a living wage to be free of debt to then have additional resources to put back into the community to help the world become an even better place.

This is exciting.

Thank you for walking the path with me, and let’s support each other as we keep going, growing, and loving.